French Christmas Etiquette, From Table to Tree

A French Christmas is built on refinement rather than novelty: a clean, carefully set table, gifts wrapped in one tight palette, a heritage-toned tree, dressing as for an elegant dinner, and a long, many-course meal with a wine for each course. The guiding idea throughout is that contrast and restraint, not decoration, are what read as elegant.

I worked as a lawyer on the Champs-Élysées in Paris, and I grew up spending my summers at my grandparents' château in the south of France, where my grandmother, who came from the haute bourgeoisie, taught me everything there is to know about etiquette, Christmas included.

Here is how the French do Christmas elegantly, from the table and the tree to the gifts and the meal, so you can bring some of that refinement to your own.

How do the French set a Christmas table?

Not with a Christmas theme. As with the home itself, the aim is refinement rather than costuming the table in seasonal novelty. Keep the settings clean: rather than stacking every plate for every course, lay only what the first courses need, the flat plate with the soup plate on top, and store the rest nearby to bring out later. Centre everything, align the plates so guests sit slightly turned rather than dead opposite each other, and if your plates carry a motif, turn it to face each guest, a small sign that you placed the table with care rather than in a rush. For cutlery, work from the outside in toward the plate, in the order the courses arrive, and in the French style the forks and spoons lie tines and bowls down, because the family crest was traditionally engraved on the back.

Glasses sit in an arch from largest to smallest: water first, always the biggest, then red wine, white wine, and sweet wine. When you set the table, decant any young wine into a carafe, ideally about three hours ahead, letting it roll down the side so it mixes with air and opens up.

Contrast is refinement.

How do you wrap gifts the French way?

Around one tight colour palette. Choose two or three papers that share the same codes, the classic choice is deep green and burgundy with a single brighter red as a pop, so the pile looks intentional and homogeneous. Then take ribbons in those same colours but different textures, velvet and satin, so they catch the light differently, because contrast in material is what makes something beautiful. Keep the paper plain if the ribbon is rich, or the reverse, never both busy, which tips into tacky. Fold the paper crisply at every step so it sits flat, finish with a name tag, and add something natural like a sprig of holly that echoes your decor.

The real magic is in the opening. A beautifully wrapped gift creates anticipation, is lovely in the hand before it is even opened, and makes every step of the unwrapping a small pleasure, which is the whole point: it shows you spent time thinking about the person.

What makes an elegant French Christmas tree?

Restraint and nature. The tree can be real or artificial, but if artificial it should look real, no golden flakes, frosted tips, or fake snow. The palette draws from what grows in nature at this time of year, with gold and silver added for festivity, which means no bright colours, no pink or blue, nothing that could not have existed in the past, because a French Christmas is about tradition and heritage. What makes a tree beautiful is contrast: vary the size, texture, and colour of the baubles, since all-identical ornaments look flat and a little cheap. Top it with a star or an angel, added last.

Avoid big satin bows and tinsel, which read as mass-produced; if you love tinsel, use thin strands, drape them loosely without letting them cross, and start at the back. Choose warm lights around 3000 Kelvin, close to candlelight, with no colour and no blinking, though a soft twinkle that imitates a flame is fine. Finish with natural touches like holly and pine cones, and a wreath on the door to welcome guests.

What do you wear to a French Christmas?

Dress as you would for an elegant dinner, because Christmas is treated as a time of refinement, which means no novelty sweaters. There is usually a lot of black, because black reads as elegance and status; many assume it is the colour of mourning, but historically it was the colour of wealth, since it was expensive to produce, and people honoured the dead in their best clothes, which is how the funeral association formed. French women wear Christmas colours only in subtle touches, often through black lace, polka dots, or velvet, and tend to save sequins for New Year's Eve, which has a stronger party feel.

If a plain black dress feels dull, the French trick is to limit yourself to two Christmas-themed elements among material, colour, and pattern, never all three. Choose the silhouette by the kind of femininity you want: a suit for a powerful register, a lace-touched dress or jumpsuit for something softly feminine, a shirt with a long skirt for the most traditional. A pair of playful Christmas earrings against an otherwise classic outfit keeps it light without losing the polish.

What happens at a French Christmas meal?

It begins with the apéro, the part most people love most, served before the meal proper with champagne, in a flute to keep the bubbles, or, more elegantly still, a coupe. Alongside it come the traditional bites: foie gras laid, not spread, on brioche or bread with a little chutney, often oysters, and smoked salmon with blinis. The aim is not to fill up but to open the appetite with small, subtle tastes, which also lets the host time the meal. The dinner that follows is a long, classic, many-course affair with a wine for each course, and because there are so many courses, each portion stays light.

A little table etiquette carries through it. Do not slurp your soup; tilt the spoon so it flows in, and tilt the plate to finish rather than scraping it. If you have not finished your champagne when the host moves everyone to the table, it is perfectly fine to bring it through. The order itself is below.

The order of a French Christmas dinner, with its wines

How do the French give and open Christmas gifts?

Quietly, and with ceremony. In most French families the children do not open gifts on the 24th; instead they leave a little cake and a glass of milk for Santa and go to bed, and the presents appear overnight. Christmas morning is the real climax, beginning with a long, leisurely breakfast, after which everyone gathers to open gifts together. Because your wrapping is beautiful, people spend the morning wondering which lovely package is theirs.

The opening is watched by everyone, one person at a time, so the whole room shares the discovery and the joy on the recipient's face. If Santa is not part of the conversation, it is also the moment to say why you chose each gift for each person, which is the heart of it: the gift, beautifully given, is a way of showing you thought about them.