10 Things Elegant Ladies Never Wear to a Party

At an elegant party, the French reveal one thing rather than everything and suggest rather than display. That means skipping the short-dress-and-high-heel combo, heavy makeup, platform or plastic heels, head-to-toe sparkle, corsets and all-over lace, denim shorts, neon, and costume pieces, in favour of one statement, a clean silhouette, and a single point of interest.

I started my career as a lawyer on the Champs-Élysées in Paris, and I have been to some genuinely fancy parties along the way.

Here is what I never saw elegant women wear to them, and what they wore instead, so you can look refined at any party.

Why don't elegant women wear a short dress with high heels?

Because, tempting as it sounds as a party default, by French standards it reads as too sexy. A short dress reveals a lot of leg and, being usually body-hugging, the shape of the body, often the shoulders and cleavage too, and paired with a high heel, which is itself a sexy element, the overall effect tips well past elegant. French women attract at a party not by showcasing their best physical features but by showing they know how to dress and carry themselves, revealing a little skin but not too much, so that they read as intriguing rather than simply available.

The fix is to reveal only one thing: your legs, the shape of your body, your shoulders, your cleavage, your neck, or nothing at all. If you choose your legs, pick a dress that skims rather than hugs and covers the upper body, add sheer black or polka-dot stockings for sophistication, and choose a lower, wider heel to move away from the clubbing register.

Reveal one thing, not everything.

Why avoid heavy party makeup?

Because a party feels like the place for full contouring and dramatic lashes, but at an elegant French gathering it is exactly the wrong move. The French start from the idea that beauty takes many forms and that makeup is there to enhance your particular kind, so showing you know how to bring out your own features is part of being the most quietly compelling woman in the room. When foundation erases the texture of your skin and contouring restructures your face, the message is that you are not confident in your natural features.

Aim instead to look like the best, freshest version of yourself, with makeup that flatters what is already there rather than masking it.

Why don't elegant women wear platform or very high heels?

Because both carry a heavy clubbing and overtly seductive connotation, and very high heels also make it harder to move gracefully and naturally. From a silhouette point of view, platforms throw off the balance of an outfit, taking up so much visual space that they dominate it rather than complete it.

Around seven centimetres tends to be the height most women find comfortable while still lengthening the leg beautifully and adding plenty of femininity, without tipping into the club.

Why avoid a fully sparkly outfit?

Because head-to-toe shine lands in beauty-pageant, princess-costume territory, which is not the register an elegant woman is aiming for. This does not mean avoiding sparkle altogether; French women very often wear something sparkly to an elegant party.

The difference is that they choose just one sparkling piece and make it the statement, then build the rest of the outfit quietly around it.

Why don't elegant women wear a tube top with ripped jeans and stilettos?

Because the combination reads as very sexy and a little careless at once: the tube top sits close to the body, bares the shoulders, and needs constant adjusting, the ripped jeans carry a punky, throwaway feel, since distressed denim is essentially jeans on their way out, and the stilettos add an overtly seductive note on top.

If you want to wear jeans to a party, use them as the casual base and let something shiny, or a hint of shoulder or cleavage, carry the interest while you keep the shoes minimal. Or, if you love a stiletto, choose a lower one with a fine heel and a classy, minimal top, so the feminine note lives entirely in the shoes.

Why avoid neon colours?

Because neon is strongly tied to a rave and techno aesthetic, which is the opposite of the register you want at an elegant party.

If neon genuinely suits your personality, use a single piece, a clutch or a pair of shoes, against an otherwise classy, minimal outfit. That keeps you firmly in elegant territory with just a small modern tweak, the kind that makes people wonder who you are.

Why don't elegant women wear plastic heels?

Because they cheapen the outfit, whether they are transparent or simply cheap plastic. Clear heels look minimal in theory, but in practice they make the feet sweat, press just like any other shoe, and are not especially flattering once you can see everything. All-plastic heels give themselves away in the shine and at the tip of the heel, and since shoes do so much to make an outfit read as expensive or cheap, this matters more than people think.

If your budget stretches to only one pair, choose suede low block-heel sandals. They go with anything, stay comfortable enough to dance in all night, and the way suede catches the light reads as far more expensive than a plastic finish.

Why avoid corset tops or excessive lace?

Because lace reads as lingerie, and lingerie carries an unmistakable bedroom connotation, so a corset top or lace worn all over pulls the outfit in that direction. French women do wear lace to parties, but always subtly.

That means a little lace peeking through an otherwise covering outfit, or a single panel of it placed within a look that is largely covered, so the suggestion is there without being the whole statement.

Why don't elegant women wear denim shorts to a party?

Because they reveal a lot of leg, and distressed ones add that same throwaway feel as ripped jeans, both of which read as too casual and too revealing for an elegant evening.

If shorts are your thing, choose tailored, suit-style shorts, or sequin shorts, which are lovely around New Year, worn with sheer black stockings so you are not showing too much leg and slipping back into the overtly sexy register.

Why avoid cowboy hats and tiaras?

Because both are costumey, and costume is the opposite of the timeless femininity an elegant woman is after; I have not seen either even at a bachelorette party.

If you love the cowboy look, wear cowboy boots instead, which carry the style without the costume. And while the tiara is best skipped, you can absolutely wear shiny little hair clips or pins, which look beautiful and double as your one sparkling element for the night.